With this morning's headlines bought the news of yet again another dreadful crash of a Yemeni airliner into the Indian Ocean with more than 150 passengers on board.
As speculation continues over the safety of the carrier, recovery of the bodies will continue. But with so many airline crashes in such a short space of time, it definitely calls for questioning of airline safety. Are we really safe as we go on board a flight? Or is that freak accidents as these are to be a common occurence?!
Our thoughts go to the relatives and friends who have lost in this crash and others.
We embark on journeys of sorts thinking all is as it seems and never knowing our true destiny?!
Aisha
Tuesday, 30 June 2009
Monday, 29 June 2009
Race for Life
Yesterday afternoon, finally I went with a bunch of other girls from work to do the 'Race for Life'. When I had first made the decision to participate in this year's event, I had somewhat decided to actually do a run but as things turned out I walked. Last year after our encounter with cancer, Trudy at work who regularly does the 'Race for Life' suggested I do it the following year and I had eagerly agreed that it was definitely something I should do.
I’d trained up for it a few months before but with the break in-between when we went out to Australia, the gym routine had gone a little haywire so when it came to it yesterday I was convinced I could probably run for about 3km but no more and so in the end resigned to just walking.
Mellissa and I walked together while the others from our party trailed a little behind.
The sun was beaming and it was an absolutely fantastic day. The warm-up before the race was fun and actually got us all into the swing of things. Boyfriends, fathers brothers were here to support the women along and the Marshalls who were helping out were doing a fantastic job.
While we walked we talked about the usually ramblings, boyfriends, marriage, family and friends and finally regrets. Neither of us had any but agreed we could have done things a little bit differently….but definitely no regrets!! Whatever life threw at us since we left school had moulded us into the kind of women we were now.
As we walked reading the backs of the t-shirts of all the other girls that were running, jogging or walking past, made it rather emotional, as the reality of cancer hitting so many people became a lot more real. Some had battled and survived and some had sadly demised… but all in all, we were all there for a united cause; to give each and every person affected by cancer a better chance of survival.
As we approached the finishing line, we had previously said we would dread this moment as it would almost feel like all eyes were on us…but really they were not, the pair of us were just so conscious…but we got to the end and at 52 minutes and 16 seconds, both of us felt like we hadn’t done badly! Proudly the pair of us collected our medals and a goodie bag each and headed for an ice cream; we definitely deserved it :p
I really feel like I have made a difference especially to the person I had done this race for…I love you -:)
Aisha
I’d trained up for it a few months before but with the break in-between when we went out to Australia, the gym routine had gone a little haywire so when it came to it yesterday I was convinced I could probably run for about 3km but no more and so in the end resigned to just walking.
Mellissa and I walked together while the others from our party trailed a little behind.
The sun was beaming and it was an absolutely fantastic day. The warm-up before the race was fun and actually got us all into the swing of things. Boyfriends, fathers brothers were here to support the women along and the Marshalls who were helping out were doing a fantastic job.
While we walked we talked about the usually ramblings, boyfriends, marriage, family and friends and finally regrets. Neither of us had any but agreed we could have done things a little bit differently….but definitely no regrets!! Whatever life threw at us since we left school had moulded us into the kind of women we were now.
As we walked reading the backs of the t-shirts of all the other girls that were running, jogging or walking past, made it rather emotional, as the reality of cancer hitting so many people became a lot more real. Some had battled and survived and some had sadly demised… but all in all, we were all there for a united cause; to give each and every person affected by cancer a better chance of survival.
As we approached the finishing line, we had previously said we would dread this moment as it would almost feel like all eyes were on us…but really they were not, the pair of us were just so conscious…but we got to the end and at 52 minutes and 16 seconds, both of us felt like we hadn’t done badly! Proudly the pair of us collected our medals and a goodie bag each and headed for an ice cream; we definitely deserved it :p
I really feel like I have made a difference especially to the person I had done this race for…I love you -:)
Aisha
Friday, 26 June 2009
A beautiful hadith..
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'When a man dies and his relatives are busy in funeral, there stands an extremely handsome man by his head. When the dead body is shrouded, that man gets in between the shroud and the chest of the deceased. When after the burial, the people return home, 2 angels, Munkar and Nakeer(names of two special Angels), come in the grave and try to separate this handsome man so that they may be able to interrogate the dead man in privacy about his faith. But the handsome man says, 'He is my companion, he is my friend. I will not leave him alone in any case. If you are appointed for interrogation, do your job. I cannot leave him until I get him admitted into Paradise '.
Thereafter he turns to his dead companion and says, 'I am the Qur'an, which you used to read, sometimes in a loud voice and sometimes in a low voice. Do not worry. After the interrogation of Munkar and Naker, you will have no grief.' When the interrogation is over, the handsome man arranges for him from Al-Mala'ul A'laa (the angels in Heaven) silk bedding filled with musk..
Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'On the Day of Judgement, before Allah, no other Intercessor will have a greater status than the Qur'an, neither a Prophet nor an angel.'
Please keep forwarding this 'Hadith' to all ....because Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'Pass on knowledge from me even if it is only one verse'.
May Allah bestow this favour on all of us.
Thursday, 25 June 2009
Car Trouble..
So I broke down…well not me in a sense, but my car.
While I wait for the recovery guys to come to me, I thought I would put my time to good use and... well fill this blog with my quite so random musings.
I mentioned previously in the week that the last few days haven't been going too well so when I couldn’t start the car earlier, I resigned to the fact that this was karma taking its chance yet again.
I finished work and headed to the gym to release some stress and gather the day’s thoughts together. I find it usually works well and by the time I reach home for the evening, I am somewhat ready to tackle any drama that's going on with the family or quite simply share a subdued evening with mom and dad.
I actually felt refreshed after my short workout and proceeded to return to my car, not thinking that today’s to be the day where in the car park of my work place, was I to cause somewhat of a commotion. My attempt to start my car was fruitless, it appeared that I have somehow locked my steering wheel! My calm and composed manner soon turned to frustration as the more I fumbled with the key and the steering wheel, the more stiff things got and well quite frankly this car was not going to start in a hurry.
What did we ever do in the days when we didn't have mobile phones? I rung Dad and as I made my call I cringed for I remember always Dad saying, "if you have a car and things go wrong, will you be able to manage?" and I’d sheepishly say "well I can always call on you!" and Dad would be like "that isn’t the point!" I know he meant taking full responsiblity for anything and everything, help is always there but the point was to learn to manage on your own. Probably because of this type of caoching from mom and dad is the reason why I can more or less stand up on my own two feet and be rather responsible.
But tonight, I desperately needed Dad’s help and finally when he answered, I uttered a sigh of relief. Without alarming him too much I relayed back my little problem…! Dad being Dad said he would be straight there. It was such a relief to see him as his car pulled up alongisde mine but his attempts at starting the car were also fruitless and finally I told myself I was going to have to get on to the recovery guys. The problem seemed so trivial but I just couldn’t fix it.
I sent Dad home, told him I would be OK. I’d go back into the office, ring the service guys and then just wait. The service guys gave me a response time of 1 hour and while I waited I mindlessly browsed the net and made some random remarks on FB. A short telephone call to mother was an earache as she went on to tell me how I mustn’t rush and because I was that hurried always, this is a consequence of it. How could I convince mother that the car was as temperamental as I and really was nothing to do with how rushed or how relaxed I was.
An hour had passed and still no recovery van showed. Dad phoned "do you want me to fetch you something to eat?" Dad phoned again "do you want me to come wait and you can come home?"
Ahmed texted ‘just come back from salah etc.’ Marlene texted ‘confirming details for next weeks outing for afternoon tea’
I am hungry, I am tired, I want to get home and I am still sat at the office. I have to be back here again in the morning and if I don’t get out of here soon I am going to feel like I have never been home.
Just called the service helpline again, would you believe there is a delay?? Don’t these people have a response time that they work to? I mean there are Britain’s No1 response and recovery service, they mustn’t have scored too well on their response time targets!
I keep bobbing my head up to look out of the window every time I hear the heavy engine of a car, still no patrol car.
This has got to be my first breakdown experience on my own. If I hadn’t called Dad, I actually would have had to deal with this all on my own but all in all if I get through this day , I will actually have done something that I’ve never down before. Work through a Car Breakdown...now that is something to be proud of. Women aren’t completely useless, I am not completely useless. Now I know I haven’t fixed the problem but I have been patient waiting for the service guy to turn up and that is something for me…
...and there he is, I see big yellow transit van pulling up…that must be my service guy..
finally…now I can look forward to getting home..-J
Aisha
Wednesday, 24 June 2009
'you don't seem your usual self today'...
Those were the words of the dastardly boss this morning!
A person who has barely been in position as my boss for a year, who has failed to take my appraisal in a timely manner as per the so called company policy! A person who knows very little about me, who neither takes an interest nor acknowledges the work i do for the company, was telling me, YES HER TELLING ME 'i wasn't my usual self'
How dare she?!
I wanted to retort back and say 'well what is my usual self?' but I
wasn't quick enough!
Oh how I long to be rid of SD and JD!
It hasn't been a good day today; in fact it hasn't been a good week! Remarks that I would ordinarily brush off and not let it bother me have instead reduced me to floods of tears. My hormones must be all over the place or I just really need a break from all this. Either way, I really wish people who think and pretend that they know you so well would sod off and take their pretentious comments elsewhere.
Aisha
All but two knocked out..Wimbledon!
Brits and Sports...the two together just don't seem to fair well.
Yet again the British public hope and for the LTA is to a bare minimum. The papers this morning reflected the dismal state for British Tennis players and quite frankly for LTA.
I honestly don't follow other sports as closely as I do Wimbledon. Purely because all the hype that goes with the Brits performing well usually ends fairly quickly into the tournament.
There is a huge amount of pressure on British competitors to do well, perform credibly and make the English proud. Yet the British sports industry fail to produce good, strong talented performers!
Embarrassingly most British players having been knocked out of the first stage, tennis supporters now cling to any hope that is left with the last two remaining representatives, Andy Murray and Elena Baltacha.
It is indeed a national embarrassment in the living era of Tennis. Unfortunately UK sportsmen and women will continue to come under immense pressure from the populace and isn't it really that time where we got our acts together and produced some convincing tennis players??
Aisha
Yet again the British public hope and for the LTA is to a bare minimum. The papers this morning reflected the dismal state for British Tennis players and quite frankly for LTA.
I honestly don't follow other sports as closely as I do Wimbledon. Purely because all the hype that goes with the Brits performing well usually ends fairly quickly into the tournament.
There is a huge amount of pressure on British competitors to do well, perform credibly and make the English proud. Yet the British sports industry fail to produce good, strong talented performers!
Embarrassingly most British players having been knocked out of the first stage, tennis supporters now cling to any hope that is left with the last two remaining representatives, Andy Murray and Elena Baltacha.
It is indeed a national embarrassment in the living era of Tennis. Unfortunately UK sportsmen and women will continue to come under immense pressure from the populace and isn't it really that time where we got our acts together and produced some convincing tennis players??
Aisha
Tuesday, 23 June 2009
Don't Worry, Be Happy....
Work can be either the most pleasant place to be…. or the alternative is, the most dreadful place. Today is definitely one of those days where this stinking place, where I spend 9 hours of my day, 5 days a week, is making my day utterly terrible!
Actually it’s the people I work with; some people are just total bitches! When your chips are down, they really rub salt into the wound.
I don’t know whether I am on my head or my arse. The flipping phone has not stopped ringing. Idiots asking me questions that I really should not be answering, I mean come on do I look like an Encyclopaedia? or Am I really the Yellow Pages?
Dear Lord, all those people that have made my life a living hell today, please please make them pay…
JD you really are going to regret your abusing emails to me this morning…haha because I sure have a wicked streak in me and you are not the only one that can shit on people like me and get away with it!
My mid morning call to Mother wasn’t until lunchtime and at that I snapped at her, all because I am having a totally bad day -:(
My usual radio station isn’t helping either, they really could step up in the music department and stop playing this wind-down music, I mean come on its only Tuesday, if I get any more slow music, I am going to be suicidal…and finally Bobby McFerrin singing …
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Wooo hoo oooo, wooo hoooo oooo wooo hoooo hoooo
Don’t worry, Be Happy
….isn’t alleviating things, really Bobby, nice try but not today…
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
OK Bobby, OK ….YES I’m totally happy
roll on 5.00pm..!
Aisha
Actually it’s the people I work with; some people are just total bitches! When your chips are down, they really rub salt into the wound.
I don’t know whether I am on my head or my arse. The flipping phone has not stopped ringing. Idiots asking me questions that I really should not be answering, I mean come on do I look like an Encyclopaedia? or Am I really the Yellow Pages?
Dear Lord, all those people that have made my life a living hell today, please please make them pay…
JD you really are going to regret your abusing emails to me this morning…haha because I sure have a wicked streak in me and you are not the only one that can shit on people like me and get away with it!
My mid morning call to Mother wasn’t until lunchtime and at that I snapped at her, all because I am having a totally bad day -:(
My usual radio station isn’t helping either, they really could step up in the music department and stop playing this wind-down music, I mean come on its only Tuesday, if I get any more slow music, I am going to be suicidal…and finally Bobby McFerrin singing …
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Wooo hoo oooo, wooo hoooo oooo wooo hoooo hoooo
Don’t worry, Be Happy
….isn’t alleviating things, really Bobby, nice try but not today…
In your life expect some trouble
But when you worry
You make it double
Don't worry, be happy......
OK Bobby, OK ….YES I’m totally happy
roll on 5.00pm..!
Aisha
Monday, 22 June 2009
Stubbornness!
Now stubbornness is the most frustrating characteristic to entertain.
So when someone close to me reflected this trait, I only then realised it really wasn't a very pleasant form of attitude to take on board.
I can and I am probably one of the most stubborn people amongst my family. I can laugh about it at times but the truth is this dastardly trait can get in the way of so many things, particularly opportunities.
Mother decided yesterday evening to pinch from me and have a night of being completely and utterly stubborn, in fact I think she was in a competition because no amount of persuasion brought her back down to reality. Something had ticked her off and no matter how small or big this thing was, she had decided she was going to remain intractable. I tried the soft and subtle approach. Then I tried the slightly stern approach, then came the real harsh approach and finally came the attitude 'walk away and leave her to it'. Her being Mother was just not going to give in. I didn't like myself for doing that; that is walking away and leaving her to it, especially knowing she had not eaten supper or taken her meds. I wanted to shout at the top of my head and say 'Mother, for goodness sake grow up and get yourself together'. As much as I knew it would weigh a ton on my conscious, quite frankly last night no amount of cajoling would have accounted for mother coming to her senses. In fact she was murderous so it really was best to leave her to come to her senses.
This morning was a different picture, Mother was a perfect petal, the rain must have washed away the downbeat emotions and the wind blown away the cobwebs! Or at least that's the picture I got from our subdued telephone conversation this lunchtime.
Tonight, I think Mother and I will chat and hopefully laugh about last night's spectacular performance...'the award for the most intractable person...goes to... Mother!'
Sometimes we are that selfish we fail to recognise how our actions have an impact on those around us. I don't proclaim to never ever express my stubbornness, but I do proclaim that I shall attempt to re-evaluate every situation when my inflexible behaviour goes into action.
Aisha
So when someone close to me reflected this trait, I only then realised it really wasn't a very pleasant form of attitude to take on board.
I can and I am probably one of the most stubborn people amongst my family. I can laugh about it at times but the truth is this dastardly trait can get in the way of so many things, particularly opportunities.
Mother decided yesterday evening to pinch from me and have a night of being completely and utterly stubborn, in fact I think she was in a competition because no amount of persuasion brought her back down to reality. Something had ticked her off and no matter how small or big this thing was, she had decided she was going to remain intractable. I tried the soft and subtle approach. Then I tried the slightly stern approach, then came the real harsh approach and finally came the attitude 'walk away and leave her to it'. Her being Mother was just not going to give in. I didn't like myself for doing that; that is walking away and leaving her to it, especially knowing she had not eaten supper or taken her meds. I wanted to shout at the top of my head and say 'Mother, for goodness sake grow up and get yourself together'. As much as I knew it would weigh a ton on my conscious, quite frankly last night no amount of cajoling would have accounted for mother coming to her senses. In fact she was murderous so it really was best to leave her to come to her senses.
This morning was a different picture, Mother was a perfect petal, the rain must have washed away the downbeat emotions and the wind blown away the cobwebs! Or at least that's the picture I got from our subdued telephone conversation this lunchtime.
Tonight, I think Mother and I will chat and hopefully laugh about last night's spectacular performance...'the award for the most intractable person...goes to... Mother!'
Sometimes we are that selfish we fail to recognise how our actions have an impact on those around us. I don't proclaim to never ever express my stubbornness, but I do proclaim that I shall attempt to re-evaluate every situation when my inflexible behaviour goes into action.
Aisha
Strawberries and Cream...and quite simply..Wimbledon
Tis' the time for my absolute favourite two weeks of the year..Wimbledon!
Well for a start it has to be the brand spanking new roof built over Centre Court! Now I know, some may say a roof really does not make it for the Open Lawn Tennis but I think, really it is magnificent and definitely overdue. How many years have gone through where the good old British weather has put a complete damper on Wimbledon. In fact without the weather, there is no Wimbledon, I mean come on there is always some remark on the weather, every few minutes in the commentary
Rain disruption no more though. At least for Centre Court! Whats to bet we get very little rain disruption over the next two weeks? I mean after all it's foracasted to be the hotest and driest summer ever. Rain or not Centre Court is certainly covered -:)
Then thanks to BBC, we have live coverage of around four matches, so throughout the next two weeks, top of my quick links is 'Watch Live Wimbledon' I really am looking forward to the next weeks.
Tennis fashion always takes up so much media attention. Russian players like Sharapova have bought so much glamour to the sport but this year the focus is most definitely on the men. Roger Federer sporting his new gear, he really does look so pristine and handsome. He is the absolute most distinguishably dressed player. Regardless of the player, the all white dress code makes it the most clean and fresh sport to watch.
Finally, strawberries and cream are immensely attached to Wimbledon, not quite sure why...but I will undoubtedly enjoy my strawberries and cream ...and of course the Wimbledon!
Game, Set, Match...
It is the only time I am glued to the television every evening. It is the only tournament that I passionately follow, even after all these years.
What so special about this years Lawn Tennis Championship?Well for a start it has to be the brand spanking new roof built over Centre Court! Now I know, some may say a roof really does not make it for the Open Lawn Tennis but I think, really it is magnificent and definitely overdue. How many years have gone through where the good old British weather has put a complete damper on Wimbledon. In fact without the weather, there is no Wimbledon, I mean come on there is always some remark on the weather, every few minutes in the commentary
Rain disruption no more though. At least for Centre Court! Whats to bet we get very little rain disruption over the next two weeks? I mean after all it's foracasted to be the hotest and driest summer ever. Rain or not Centre Court is certainly covered -:)
Then thanks to BBC, we have live coverage of around four matches, so throughout the next two weeks, top of my quick links is 'Watch Live Wimbledon' I really am looking forward to the next weeks.
Tennis fashion always takes up so much media attention. Russian players like Sharapova have bought so much glamour to the sport but this year the focus is most definitely on the men. Roger Federer sporting his new gear, he really does look so pristine and handsome. He is the absolute most distinguishably dressed player. Regardless of the player, the all white dress code makes it the most clean and fresh sport to watch.
Finally, strawberries and cream are immensely attached to Wimbledon, not quite sure why...but I will undoubtedly enjoy my strawberries and cream ...and of course the Wimbledon!
Game, Set, Match...
Friday, 19 June 2009
Love is not everything..
Exactly as the title is...Love is not and will not be everything.
In the name of love, so many things have gone wrong.
Now some of you are maybe thinking that I am over reacting but I am actually looking at what I achieved out of love and what I lost and quite frankly it all doesn't weigh up correctly. The scales are tipping dramatically on the negative.
I lost sense of who I was
I lost my direction
It hampered my belief
I lost precious time for my nearest and dearest
He made promises for me to put hope into, but he never delivered
I thought I had everything because I had HIM but I had nothing
He lied but I was to blind to notice
He used but I was so too eager to be loved to realise.
He showed he cared but I was a convenience
and the list goes on..
What did I get..
temporary happiness..which now has been turned into anger.
Sweet memories? hardly..
so to all those losers, good riddance to bad rubbish
I had to get this off my chest.
Love is something but not everything.
Not everyone is deserving of love and
loving some people will just let you down very badly
We've just got to find the right people to love.
and finally loving the ONE Allah and his messenger pbuh is never in vain
Aisha
PS. before anyone decides to pass judgement...don't tell me you have never been in love??!!
In the name of love, so many things have gone wrong.
Now some of you are maybe thinking that I am over reacting but I am actually looking at what I achieved out of love and what I lost and quite frankly it all doesn't weigh up correctly. The scales are tipping dramatically on the negative.
I lost sense of who I was
I lost my direction
It hampered my belief
I lost precious time for my nearest and dearest
He made promises for me to put hope into, but he never delivered
I thought I had everything because I had HIM but I had nothing
He lied but I was to blind to notice
He used but I was so too eager to be loved to realise.
He showed he cared but I was a convenience
and the list goes on..
What did I get..
temporary happiness..which now has been turned into anger.
Sweet memories? hardly..
so to all those losers, good riddance to bad rubbish
I had to get this off my chest.
Love is something but not everything.
Not everyone is deserving of love and
loving some people will just let you down very badly
We've just got to find the right people to love.
and finally loving the ONE Allah and his messenger pbuh is never in vain
Aisha
PS. before anyone decides to pass judgement...don't tell me you have never been in love??!!
Thursday, 18 June 2009
Something to keep you going...
...I'm too tired to think, to write or to do anything that requires some logic and consistency. I started a post yesterday but didn't get very far, I really need time for my brain to recuperate and recharge and any short cuts ways for the former to occur are not going to happen.
I had this email this morning, a forward that I read to the end and because I did, I had to share it here. No idea the origin of it but I got it from Naeema so thanks to her...
I asked Allah why I wasn't rich.
He showed me a man with the wealth of a thousand kings,
Who was lonely, and had no one to share it with.
I asked Allah why I wasn't beautiful.
He showed me a woman more beautiful than any other,Who was ugly because of her vanity?
I asked Allah why He'd allowed me to become old.
He showed me a boy of 16, who lay dead at the scene of a car accident.
I asked Allah why I didn't have a bigger house.
He showed me a family of six,
who had just been evicted from their tiny shack,
And were forced, to live on the street.
I asked Allah why I had to work.
He showed me a man, who couldn't find a decent job,
Because he'd never learned to read.
I asked Allah why I wasn't more popular.
He showed me a socialite with a thousand friends,
Who all left the moment the money and parties were no longer there.
I asked Allah why I wasn't smarter.
He showed me a natural born genius,
Serving life in prison for making ill use of his knowledge.
I asked Allah why He put up with a thankless sinner like me.
He showed me THE QURAAN.
I knew then how much He loved me.
What's eating you today?
Are your problems weighing heavy on your heart?
Know, then, that you are loved.
"If it doesn't kill you... it will make you stronger. "
"If it doesn't kill you... it will make you stronger. "
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
Random thoughts...
I started writing this post without a title. Normally I begin with a title and work from there and well things kind of just take its flow.
I know some book writers, song writers and well writers in general sometimes tend to write and write and at some point come up with a title for their book or their song, so I am not worried that as I set out this morning to type away at the keyboard, staring at the screen, trying to fathom the words that appear so randomly, that this post may never have a title so quickly.
I seem to have neglected this safe haven for the past week or so. While I said that I would come away from the madness of the world and write about anything and everything that is going around me that element called TIME has not allowed me to do so.
Not only have I neglected the blog, I have neglected many others commitments and the operative word being NEGLECT. I seem to have a lot of catching up to do, if I want to get back on to a level.
I've spent the last week reading and writing...no not reading blogs and writing for blogs. I have been reading and writing for academic purposes. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself under tremendous strain. I think I hoard stress like there is no tomorrow.
So having read everything I could possibly know on the physiology of reproduction and the menstrual cycle, advancement of contraception, research into male infertility, together with sleep physiology and function with sleep deprivation, I feel like I am teeming with a mountain of knowledge, wow a mountain seem like huge. Now I know I could carry on learning forever but right now quite frankly I could not take another chapter on any physiological process with the ever fascinating human body!
Well I finished writing my paper and with the finishing touches to make before I send it off, I realise that my brain is completely dead. I feel like I have read and written and well right now it sounds like a load of crap! I seem to have written my paper and cannot even attempt to consider whether it makes sense or not as in my head the information I seem to have taken from the last six weeks of studying does not make sense. When I receive my marked paper, only then will I come to know how well I did! Actually it is at that point when I read back my paper I realise how much I learnt..I think to myself wow did I really take all that in? But really right now I feel like I've put so much time into studying and not one thought from it appears coherent.
Enough on the studying. The strain and the stress of it all has really affected my health. My sleeping has been completely disturbed, in fact I don't think I haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. I must be grinding my teeth during my attempted phase of sleep and well I am waking up with this awful headache...apparently I am told it is related to stress. God what hasn't stress set out to destroy??
My diet has gone completely out of the window and if I open one more packet of biscuits and see through to the end of it, I really will be utterly disgusted with myself.
In all fairness, honestly I should stop putting so much pressure on myself, I mean I was under heaps of stress and so its only natural for me to develop terrible eating habits and even more dreadful sleeping patterns.
So it is now time to focus, FOCUSED I shall be. Back to the gym, regular and adequate healthy meals and hopefully some decent sleep.
and finally, I really must spend more time with mum and dad since I put them and everything and everybody nearest and dearest to me on the back burner. I shall work my way into catching up with lost time with everyone, starting with the two most important people in my life.
Before I start thinking I haven't enough to fill my time, I am going to savour this moment of somewhat simplicity, especially since I don't know how long it can last for..
Aisha
I know some book writers, song writers and well writers in general sometimes tend to write and write and at some point come up with a title for their book or their song, so I am not worried that as I set out this morning to type away at the keyboard, staring at the screen, trying to fathom the words that appear so randomly, that this post may never have a title so quickly.
I seem to have neglected this safe haven for the past week or so. While I said that I would come away from the madness of the world and write about anything and everything that is going around me that element called TIME has not allowed me to do so.
Not only have I neglected the blog, I have neglected many others commitments and the operative word being NEGLECT. I seem to have a lot of catching up to do, if I want to get back on to a level.
I've spent the last week reading and writing...no not reading blogs and writing for blogs. I have been reading and writing for academic purposes. Sometimes I wonder why I put myself under tremendous strain. I think I hoard stress like there is no tomorrow.
So having read everything I could possibly know on the physiology of reproduction and the menstrual cycle, advancement of contraception, research into male infertility, together with sleep physiology and function with sleep deprivation, I feel like I am teeming with a mountain of knowledge, wow a mountain seem like huge. Now I know I could carry on learning forever but right now quite frankly I could not take another chapter on any physiological process with the ever fascinating human body!
Well I finished writing my paper and with the finishing touches to make before I send it off, I realise that my brain is completely dead. I feel like I have read and written and well right now it sounds like a load of crap! I seem to have written my paper and cannot even attempt to consider whether it makes sense or not as in my head the information I seem to have taken from the last six weeks of studying does not make sense. When I receive my marked paper, only then will I come to know how well I did! Actually it is at that point when I read back my paper I realise how much I learnt..I think to myself wow did I really take all that in? But really right now I feel like I've put so much time into studying and not one thought from it appears coherent.
Enough on the studying. The strain and the stress of it all has really affected my health. My sleeping has been completely disturbed, in fact I don't think I haven't had a good night's sleep in a while. I must be grinding my teeth during my attempted phase of sleep and well I am waking up with this awful headache...apparently I am told it is related to stress. God what hasn't stress set out to destroy??
My diet has gone completely out of the window and if I open one more packet of biscuits and see through to the end of it, I really will be utterly disgusted with myself.
In all fairness, honestly I should stop putting so much pressure on myself, I mean I was under heaps of stress and so its only natural for me to develop terrible eating habits and even more dreadful sleeping patterns.
So it is now time to focus, FOCUSED I shall be. Back to the gym, regular and adequate healthy meals and hopefully some decent sleep.
and finally, I really must spend more time with mum and dad since I put them and everything and everybody nearest and dearest to me on the back burner. I shall work my way into catching up with lost time with everyone, starting with the two most important people in my life.
Before I start thinking I haven't enough to fill my time, I am going to savour this moment of somewhat simplicity, especially since I don't know how long it can last for..
Aisha
Thursday, 11 June 2009
Not much blogging...
For one reason or another, I haven't written much these past few days, contrary to the fact that there is a million things whizzing around in my head at the moment, I could probably write non-stop for next 24 - 48 hours and it still wouldn't be enough and as usual time permits NOT.
Driving to work this morning, this track I found very catchy. Haven't heard it in a while and makes a change from listening to the usual pop / hip-hop crazy stuff!
She makes his coffee,
Driving to work this morning, this track I found very catchy. Haven't heard it in a while and makes a change from listening to the usual pop / hip-hop crazy stuff!
He Thinks He'll Keep Her - Mary Chapin Carpenter
She makes his coffee,
she makes his bed
She does the laundry,
she keeps him fed
When she was twenty-one
she wore her mother's lace
She said "forever"
with a smile upon her face
She does the car-pool,
she PTAs
Doctors and dentists,
she drives all day
When she was twenty-nine
she delivered number three
And every Christmas card s
howed a perfect family
Everything runs right on time,
years of practice and design
Spit and polish till it shines.
He thinks he'll keep her
Everything is so benign,
safest place you'll ever find
God forbid you change your mind.
He thinks he'll keep her
She packs his suitcase,
she sits and waits
With no expression upon her face
When she was thirty-six
she met him at their door
She said I'm sorry,
I don't love you anymore
Everything runs right on time,
years of practice and design
Spit and polish till it shines.
He thinks he'll keep her
Everything is so benign,
safest place you'll ever find
God forbid you change your mind.
He thinks he'll keep her
For fifteen years she had a job
and not one raise in pay
Now she's in the typing pool at minimum wage
Everything runs right on time,
years of practice and design
Spit and polish till it shines.
He thinks he'll keep her
Everything is so benign,
safest place you'll ever find
At least until you change your mind.
He thinks he'll keep her
Don't really want over-analyse the song's words, there is enough in this head of mine, I'll just enjoy humming to it for now!
Aisha
Friday, 5 June 2009
Pain in the Bum!!
Pain in the Bum. Literally.. Yes and No.
IBS or IBD - For those who aren't familiar with this abbreviation this is irritable bowel syndrome or irritable bowel disease. Being a sufferer of this condition I sympathise with all my IBS/IBD equivalents. The whole thing is really quite the pain in the proverbial.
I've suffered with this condition on and off for a few years now and well when I get a flare up I still find it quite difficult to manage. So when earlier this week I started with symptoms which I tried to convince myself were not of IBS, at the time of writing this, I can tell you that I am at the end of my tether, and I do not need any more convincing, this is most definitely a flare up of the good old IBS. I dashed out to the chemist earlier to get some Buscopan hoping for some relief but as usual doubt very much it's a miracle cure.
Am I stressed? Well I don't think I am. Or at least no more than usual; work or home. But I guess tiny bits of stress accumulate to make up a whole big ball of stress and that could be it, so I keep telling myself.
IBS or IBD - For those who aren't familiar with this abbreviation this is irritable bowel syndrome or irritable bowel disease. Being a sufferer of this condition I sympathise with all my IBS/IBD equivalents. The whole thing is really quite the pain in the proverbial.
I've suffered with this condition on and off for a few years now and well when I get a flare up I still find it quite difficult to manage. So when earlier this week I started with symptoms which I tried to convince myself were not of IBS, at the time of writing this, I can tell you that I am at the end of my tether, and I do not need any more convincing, this is most definitely a flare up of the good old IBS. I dashed out to the chemist earlier to get some Buscopan hoping for some relief but as usual doubt very much it's a miracle cure.
Am I stressed? Well I don't think I am. Or at least no more than usual; work or home. But I guess tiny bits of stress accumulate to make up a whole big ball of stress and that could be it, so I keep telling myself.
The frustrating thing is even with all these advances in medicine, treatment and etc, there is no real answer as to why one gets IBS, in fact I don't think anyone ever fully understands the condition or why some experience it and some don't. For me the worse of the symptoms are the cramps and the bloatedness, feeling full the whole time and wearing the appearance that I am half way through a pregnancy!
Thankfully it is not a dangerous condition, or at least I hope it isn't. What I do know that stress consciously or subconsciously is mostly the causation of my flare-ups.
I think I better get that Yoga DVD out again tonight -:)
Aisha
Friendship for Allah's sake...
Man is liable to imitate and copy those whom he befriends. If one's friends engage in virtuous deeds, this would prompt him to imitate their good qualities. Whereas, if one's friends indulge in bad practices, then it is very likely for him to get accustomed with their bad characteristics
and eventually incorporate them in his behavior, knowingly or unknowingly!
Such is also true concerning one's religion and beliefs as Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said,
'Man is on the religion of his companions, so let one of you choose whom he befriends.'
[Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Tirmidhee]
A Muslim's primary concern before choosing friends should be to seek the Pleasure of Allah in the friendship. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, 'Whoever loves for Allah, and hates for Allah, gives for Allah and withholds for Allah, has completed his faith.' [Abu Dawood]
Such a simple message, Jummah Mubarak -:)
Aisha
and eventually incorporate them in his behavior, knowingly or unknowingly!
Such is also true concerning one's religion and beliefs as Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said,
'Man is on the religion of his companions, so let one of you choose whom he befriends.'
[Ahmad, Abu Dawood and Tirmidhee]
A Muslim's primary concern before choosing friends should be to seek the Pleasure of Allah in the friendship. The Messenger of Allah (sallallahu alaihi wa-sallam) said, 'Whoever loves for Allah, and hates for Allah, gives for Allah and withholds for Allah, has completed his faith.' [Abu Dawood]
Such a simple message, Jummah Mubarak -:)
Aisha
Thursday, 4 June 2009
I'm like a designer item...
On the topic of marriage yet again, for some time now I have been trying to fit my situation to something in the outside world. Why is it that after so many possible suitors I am still single? The more I ask myself that question, the more frustrating it can get. Don't get me wrong this whole thing doesn't play on my mind 24/7 because mostly I have my mother's word ringing in my ear; 'it will happen when the time is right and when HE wants it to happen, meaning God'. So I let it be, but occasionally every so often the topic of marriage quite frankly pisses me off.
So I was thinking on, along the lines of a Prada Handbag or a pair of Roberto del Carlo Shoes, or maybe a Marika Charles Scarf, anything that has a designer label attached to it with a very expensive price tag. The things that you and me and most ordinary folk can’t really buy unless the proceeds of our monthly salary go towards the purchase of that one item.
Anyway I was assuming these category of items, you walk pass designer stores and gaze at the displays or even go into stores like Barneys and Harrods and take a leisurely walk around the outlet thinking how superb all these items are, and even utter the odd occasional ‘wow’ or ‘that really is nice’ and all the pleasurable things one would utter when one sees or maybe even indulges in something so lovely.
Now my point was I decided I felt a bit like one of these Prada Handbags or a Marika Charles Scarf. I have had endless possible suitors come by our place for afternoon tea. I swear I am pretty sure I have had way more than my fair share of tea making and all the pleasantries that go with it, and well the fact is I am still single.
Now I am not going to delve into the kind of people these guys have been, that is a completely different matter, which maybe I can come back to some other time. But the main point here is that either I have not been good enough for any of them, which is a very depressing thought or they were just not good enough for me; now that thought is rather liberating!
Then there are those guys that just pay you what appears as a compliment; some male colleague at work, or a guy at a party or a function you are at. You know the one’s that go ‘you are a total stunner’ or ‘you look really hot’ or ‘you really would make a good wife’ blah blah blah, the comments that make you feel good about yourself for about a split second, because you have your head in the clouds or something but then reality kicks in and you suddenly remember yeh right..all that and I’m still single!
In any case I figured, that’s what I was; a designer item in a store, great to admire by all those wannabies (btw did I mention already I love this word, I’m not really into all this urban stuff but this world really does work for me, it kind of incorporates into lots of different situations and well it does all the talking for me, one word and it paints the picture I want it to) that wished their pockets would stretch far enough to get a hold on too something so good, but never really do, so they just want to gaze and never take me home for keeps.
I thought about this little notion a bit more and realised I had an even better conception, designer items are only bought by, well those that have the capital and I think also by those that really are made to wear such exquisite things or own them.
That's when I told myself that I am a single exclusive designer item and will only be going into the ultimate companionship of the one guy who will truly want me and mostly significantly deserves me so no matter how many wows I get, the wow that will sweep me off my feet will come (notice how mum's words relate to this bit) and that wow will be from a very special person and not just some random prospective suitor that all my nearest and dearest keep throwing at me.
If you're a guy and think you would like to take this Lanvin bag or Erdem Scarf home then get in touch :P
Aisha
So I was thinking on, along the lines of a Prada Handbag or a pair of Roberto del Carlo Shoes, or maybe a Marika Charles Scarf, anything that has a designer label attached to it with a very expensive price tag. The things that you and me and most ordinary folk can’t really buy unless the proceeds of our monthly salary go towards the purchase of that one item.
Anyway I was assuming these category of items, you walk pass designer stores and gaze at the displays or even go into stores like Barneys and Harrods and take a leisurely walk around the outlet thinking how superb all these items are, and even utter the odd occasional ‘wow’ or ‘that really is nice’ and all the pleasurable things one would utter when one sees or maybe even indulges in something so lovely.
Now my point was I decided I felt a bit like one of these Prada Handbags or a Marika Charles Scarf. I have had endless possible suitors come by our place for afternoon tea. I swear I am pretty sure I have had way more than my fair share of tea making and all the pleasantries that go with it, and well the fact is I am still single.
Now I am not going to delve into the kind of people these guys have been, that is a completely different matter, which maybe I can come back to some other time. But the main point here is that either I have not been good enough for any of them, which is a very depressing thought or they were just not good enough for me; now that thought is rather liberating!
Then there are those guys that just pay you what appears as a compliment; some male colleague at work, or a guy at a party or a function you are at. You know the one’s that go ‘you are a total stunner’ or ‘you look really hot’ or ‘you really would make a good wife’ blah blah blah, the comments that make you feel good about yourself for about a split second, because you have your head in the clouds or something but then reality kicks in and you suddenly remember yeh right..all that and I’m still single!
In any case I figured, that’s what I was; a designer item in a store, great to admire by all those wannabies (btw did I mention already I love this word, I’m not really into all this urban stuff but this world really does work for me, it kind of incorporates into lots of different situations and well it does all the talking for me, one word and it paints the picture I want it to) that wished their pockets would stretch far enough to get a hold on too something so good, but never really do, so they just want to gaze and never take me home for keeps.
I thought about this little notion a bit more and realised I had an even better conception, designer items are only bought by, well those that have the capital and I think also by those that really are made to wear such exquisite things or own them.
That's when I told myself that I am a single exclusive designer item and will only be going into the ultimate companionship of the one guy who will truly want me and mostly significantly deserves me so no matter how many wows I get, the wow that will sweep me off my feet will come (notice how mum's words relate to this bit) and that wow will be from a very special person and not just some random prospective suitor that all my nearest and dearest keep throwing at me.
If you're a guy and think you would like to take this Lanvin bag or Erdem Scarf home then get in touch :P
Aisha
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
I Slipped..
Merrily walking away, with the brisk walk; the hospital walk as most who work in this environment would call it, I proceeded back to my office quite confident and sure of myself. I walked down the corridor passing patients and colleagues; some strange faces and some familiar, thinking of what seemed like the million things that I had to get done today once I got back to my desk, and out of the blue I slipped.
I bet you are thinking well why go on about it here?
Now let me tell you I have walked this same corridor too many times to count and I have worn these shoes before and there was nothing in my path that would have caused me to slip but I did!
Thankfully my foot slipped but I didn't fall which is a blessing. Imagine if I had fallen, aside for being totally embarrassed, I could have been hurt but I wasn't. But embarrassed I was most definitely. I saw this guy coming towards me and have never seen him before, and I thought hmm I wonder who he is? and just as quickly did that thought enter my head, as quickly did my foot slip.
Uncanny ways these are, forces beyond our control are at work here. Yes to some its just a slip but to me, no matter how confident and careful I was this morning, I was destined to slip.
As I straigthened myself and carried on walking, hoping no one really noticed, though I knew for a fact the this guy who was walking in the opposite direction to me had definitely seen my blip. Not that I was trying to impress him or anyone else for that matter. Beside I didn't know he was going to be there.
Well this isn't the first and will not be the last, I am just glad that despite being thrown off my guard with that blip, I wasn't hurt.
I could have slipped on a banana skin on the pavement or..
An ice cube hiding on the kitchen floor or..
A bad step leading to the back door or..
A stone not quite in its place at Brigg End..
and finally I could have slipped and fallen in love...
but not this time around -:)
Aisha
I bet you are thinking well why go on about it here?
Now let me tell you I have walked this same corridor too many times to count and I have worn these shoes before and there was nothing in my path that would have caused me to slip but I did!
Thankfully my foot slipped but I didn't fall which is a blessing. Imagine if I had fallen, aside for being totally embarrassed, I could have been hurt but I wasn't. But embarrassed I was most definitely. I saw this guy coming towards me and have never seen him before, and I thought hmm I wonder who he is? and just as quickly did that thought enter my head, as quickly did my foot slip.
Uncanny ways these are, forces beyond our control are at work here. Yes to some its just a slip but to me, no matter how confident and careful I was this morning, I was destined to slip.
As I straigthened myself and carried on walking, hoping no one really noticed, though I knew for a fact the this guy who was walking in the opposite direction to me had definitely seen my blip. Not that I was trying to impress him or anyone else for that matter. Beside I didn't know he was going to be there.
Well this isn't the first and will not be the last, I am just glad that despite being thrown off my guard with that blip, I wasn't hurt.
I could have slipped on a banana skin on the pavement or..
An ice cube hiding on the kitchen floor or..
A bad step leading to the back door or..
A stone not quite in its place at Brigg End..
and finally I could have slipped and fallen in love...
but not this time around -:)
Aisha
A Hug Certificate for You!
This morning's office circulation -:)
It said 'send it on and see how many you get back'.. blah blah..but I thought never mind sending it on, I'll just put it up here and add some nice cute pics with it. Tacky right, but seriously people we all need a hug or two every now and then..come on..you have to agree with me..-:0 I don't know the origin of this piece so credit goes to whoever put these words togther to make a bit of nice reading.
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
and share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue.
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own;
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone.
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there.
This is a Hug Certificate!!
Aisha -:)
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
O' Glorious Sunshine...
You may remember not so long ago, I mentioned how the weather wasn't living up to what it should for the month of May...you know rain, rain and well some more rain.
Anyway, I thought I would actually make a point of letting you all know that since last Friday (mostly) the weather has been fantabulous...yes just brilliant. glorious sunshine and all that -:)
Tis the season for picnics, BBQ's, eating AlFresco and just to be outdoors; breathe in the fresh air and so
ak up the sun and enjoy the beauty of summer; flowers, cornfields, beaches, anything that involves being outdoors -:)
The day begins with the sun beaming through my bedroom window, the birds singing away, the breeze of the wind cultivates the mind and soul from within, and the feel is just magnificent.. this is what brings me happiness, positivity, energy. Summer Sunshine is truly a pleasure..-:)
May we have many more days, weeks, and months of Sunshine..
Aisha
Anyway, I thought I would actually make a point of letting you all know that since last Friday (mostly) the weather has been fantabulous...yes just brilliant. glorious sunshine and all that -:)
Tis the season for picnics, BBQ's, eating AlFresco and just to be outdoors; breathe in the fresh air and so
ak up the sun and enjoy the beauty of summer; flowers, cornfields, beaches, anything that involves being outdoors -:)The day begins with the sun beaming through my bedroom window, the birds singing away, the breeze of the wind cultivates the mind and soul from within, and the feel is just magnificent.. this is what brings me happiness, positivity, energy. Summer Sunshine is truly a pleasure..-:)
May we have many more days, weeks, and months of Sunshine..
Aisha
Encouraging..
Now I know yesterday I was raging mad and whatnot, I was so out of character, it really is not usually me but I suppose sometimes things just get on top of us a bit. In fact I didn't realise how negative I was yesterday. Don't get me wrong I am not excusing my behaviour in any shape or form. What happened did really happen, and my fault really was a genuine fault.
Today I reflect on yesterday and fully realise that no two days are the same. Sure enough my determined effort to stop has been fruitful as I have managed nearly a full 24 hours to put a stop (notice how I have dropped the caps)..anyway back to what I was saying. I realise that in moments of weakness I relapse but at the end of it I have remorse and realise that the conscious within me is still alive and kicking and I am so grateful for that
I am not completely weak after all and I do hope my firm resolution will continue to work its way right to the very end.
In the meantime I was trying to find some encouraging words on the web, over repentance, forgiveness, mercy and all those things that make up for the correctness of our character and person as a whole.
One interesting piece I read was an account between Ibraheem Bin Adam and Abu Ishaq (may Allaah be pleased with them both).
Abu Ishaq came to Ibraheem Bin Adam distressed unable to stop sinning and Ibraheem advised that if he was able to accept FIVE conditions and put them into practice, the disobedience or sinning will halt. Desperate and determined the man asked what these conditions were:
1] “The first is that when you want to disobey Allah you do not eat anything He provides.”
2] “When you want to disobey him, move off His land.”
3] “When you want to disobey Him in spite of eating His provision and living on His land, find a place where He will not see you and disobey Him there.”
4] That when the Angel of Death arrives to take your soul, you say to him, ‘Give me a reprieve so that I can repent and act righteously for Allah.’”
5] “That when the angels of the Fire come to you to take you to the Fire, you do not go with them.”
Now understand my friends that the above FIVE conditions are totally impossible to accomplish. Am I not right? There is no land you can go and or hide away within where God will not see you, nor can you hold back and ask for more time to make an official pardon when the Angel of Death arrives to take your soul? Of course not. These FIVE conditions can never be met. Each of these conditions are led by the Uniqueness and Power of God. How can one eat the fruits provided by God, live in the land provided by God and still disobey Him..that is God. Every act of disobedience will always contradict with these conditions.
In this case, Abu Ishaq had heard enough, repented with sincerity and vowed to be assiduous in his worship and remain in vigilance of avoiding acts of disobedience until the day he died.
May we all share the same spirit and determination as Abu Ishaq.
Faith can never die...
Aisha
Today I reflect on yesterday and fully realise that no two days are the same. Sure enough my determined effort to stop has been fruitful as I have managed nearly a full 24 hours to put a stop (notice how I have dropped the caps)..anyway back to what I was saying. I realise that in moments of weakness I relapse but at the end of it I have remorse and realise that the conscious within me is still alive and kicking and I am so grateful for that
I am not completely weak after all and I do hope my firm resolution will continue to work its way right to the very end.
In the meantime I was trying to find some encouraging words on the web, over repentance, forgiveness, mercy and all those things that make up for the correctness of our character and person as a whole.
One interesting piece I read was an account between Ibraheem Bin Adam and Abu Ishaq (may Allaah be pleased with them both).
Abu Ishaq came to Ibraheem Bin Adam distressed unable to stop sinning and Ibraheem advised that if he was able to accept FIVE conditions and put them into practice, the disobedience or sinning will halt. Desperate and determined the man asked what these conditions were:
1] “The first is that when you want to disobey Allah you do not eat anything He provides.”
2] “When you want to disobey him, move off His land.”
3] “When you want to disobey Him in spite of eating His provision and living on His land, find a place where He will not see you and disobey Him there.”
4] That when the Angel of Death arrives to take your soul, you say to him, ‘Give me a reprieve so that I can repent and act righteously for Allah.’”
5] “That when the angels of the Fire come to you to take you to the Fire, you do not go with them.”
Now understand my friends that the above FIVE conditions are totally impossible to accomplish. Am I not right? There is no land you can go and or hide away within where God will not see you, nor can you hold back and ask for more time to make an official pardon when the Angel of Death arrives to take your soul? Of course not. These FIVE conditions can never be met. Each of these conditions are led by the Uniqueness and Power of God. How can one eat the fruits provided by God, live in the land provided by God and still disobey Him..that is God. Every act of disobedience will always contradict with these conditions.
In this case, Abu Ishaq had heard enough, repented with sincerity and vowed to be assiduous in his worship and remain in vigilance of avoiding acts of disobedience until the day he died.
May we all share the same spirit and determination as Abu Ishaq.
Faith can never die...
Aisha
Monday, 1 June 2009
just STOP it..
Well here goes..my first complete utter vent on this blog. I am raging mad, that is it no other word could describe how I am feeling right this minute, this second, this very moment. And no I am not mad at anyone or anything, correction, I AM mad at someone, I am mad at MYSELF, the self and same person who is sat at this computer, Yes ME, the one and only who is frantically typing away, pressing down these keys so hard..its not like this well worn keyboard deserves any further wear and tear from me! but its getting it!
Well my friends.. you see the thing is, I want to STOP, I just want to stop making the same old mistakes that I so do not like myself for. The stupid mistakes that give temporary pleasures, pleasures in vain! Yesterday evening I made the absolute firm intention to STOP. OK I know if you are reading this, you are wondering well what is it that she wants to STOP so badly, well my friends, it really does not matter what it is; it could be the simple things like chocolate, cartoons, fast food, or it could be the hardcore stuff; partying, smoking, drinking, sex, drugs, backbiting, swearing..whatever else..it could be anything, anything at all but the fact is if you want to STOP and you try so hard and you just can't..it sucks. So back to ME, I make this very determined effort to stop......
Since the publishing, part of this article has been removed / edited by the author, if you wish to read it, you may request it and it will be at the discretion of the author to share it (01/09/2009)
Aisha
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