I wonder if this is me.....
Well the most obvious signs of a control freak syndrome is preoccupation and worry with negligible details. Do you fret over things too small to worry for? Are you tied up with more than just plain perfectionism? Are you worrying too much about whether things out of your realm of control are going to upset the applecart - for no apparent reason? Well, then you're gradually turning into obsessive control freaks. You're not there yet, but signs are that you're not able to let go and the possessiveness is going to get worse.
Once something does not happen your way, do you raise hell and raze things to the ground? Well, anger is an old mate of most uncommon behavior syndromes, says psychology, and so is control freakishness. When something happens contrary to the desire of a control freak, he tends to go wild with anger. Not good at all.
Perhaps a slightly more unbelievable facet to a control freak's personality is insecurity. Control freaks are often critical of themselves, wishing they were better than they are. Very often they remain hungover with past events and failures, and are unable to move on. They may come across as quite pessimistic and worrisome about things not in their control. Control freaks are always obsessed with creating a favorable impression of themselves, but when unable to, get very agitated.
And finally, the main problem that acquaintances of control freaks face. A control freak cannot help advising others and pointing out others' mistakes. Control freaks try to mend other people and try to make them perfect. Or at least, what they think is perfect. They continually try to impose their own thinking and behavior on others, and try to align them to their own value system.
So these are the common control freak symptoms. Living with a control freak is tough. The thing with control freaks is that you can't live with them, but you may not be able to live without them either. The answer has to be a mutual understanding on both sides. Control freaks have to learn to neutralize their nitpicking habits, while those around control freaks should learn to adjust and at the same time try to relieve the control freaks of their problems.
Friday, 23 July 2010
Monday, 12 July 2010
OCD
So I have been a bit quiet lately, quiet it may seem but not in my head, it's been very noisy. See there are a million (or what seems like a million) things going around in my head at any given second, so much so that not much of it is coherent. I guess you could call it stress. Call it whatever you want but it sure aint a great thing.
I've spent the last 5 weeks being a homemaker, holding down my usual fulltime occupational role, retaining a professional attitude, when I actually just wanted to say, well let's just that vocabulary is left well alone. I've cooked, cleaned, washed, ironed, school rounds, oh that 9-5 position, entertained guests, baby sitting, baking, gardening, bills, lawyers, banks, mortgages, car servicing, birthdays, mending relationships, strengthening relationships, airport runs and so on and on....and to top things up, I've developed OCD. Yes me, the very person who has an organised chaos in her very own bedroom, has OCD. You see, I now line shoes in an absolute straight row. My rugs are so carefully positioned on the floor. The concept of scatter cushions is well quite frankly very messy in my OCD world. Everything's clean, neat, tidy, so much so that I clinch everytime the bathroom needs to be used or the kitchen is taken advantage of! I can't seem to stop using the washer and the vaccum! I am clinically obssesed.
Five weeks ago I was wondering how I would manage running a home. Well I proved that I could but I've taken it to a level of absolute perfection. I was once reminded at work to stop being a perfectionist, the Type A personality attitude that will do no good in the long run. So as I now hand back my responsbility I wonder whether I will take this approach in my own home, should I do so, I would imagine I am risking skating on icy ground, especially since I can't skate!
Aisha
I've spent the last 5 weeks being a homemaker, holding down my usual fulltime occupational role, retaining a professional attitude, when I actually just wanted to say, well let's just that vocabulary is left well alone. I've cooked, cleaned, washed, ironed, school rounds, oh that 9-5 position, entertained guests, baby sitting, baking, gardening, bills, lawyers, banks, mortgages, car servicing, birthdays, mending relationships, strengthening relationships, airport runs and so on and on....and to top things up, I've developed OCD. Yes me, the very person who has an organised chaos in her very own bedroom, has OCD. You see, I now line shoes in an absolute straight row. My rugs are so carefully positioned on the floor. The concept of scatter cushions is well quite frankly very messy in my OCD world. Everything's clean, neat, tidy, so much so that I clinch everytime the bathroom needs to be used or the kitchen is taken advantage of! I can't seem to stop using the washer and the vaccum! I am clinically obssesed.
Five weeks ago I was wondering how I would manage running a home. Well I proved that I could but I've taken it to a level of absolute perfection. I was once reminded at work to stop being a perfectionist, the Type A personality attitude that will do no good in the long run. So as I now hand back my responsbility I wonder whether I will take this approach in my own home, should I do so, I would imagine I am risking skating on icy ground, especially since I can't skate!
Aisha
Tuesday, 22 June 2010
Excellent advice...
This is a forward I got in an email, one of those that kind of sticks with you. I don't have time to update this blog much these days for several reasons but I definitely want to put this in since, this piece of advice is one that I so needed reminding of!!!
-----------------
Excellent advice
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 8oz. To 20oz.
The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.'
'If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.'
'In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'
He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.'
'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. '
'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.'
'Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
Life is short.. Enjoy!'
And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on..
10 *Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 *Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 *The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 *When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 *Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 *You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
16 *Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
17 *We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
18 *A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
----
Hmmm....keep smiling -:)
Aisha
-----------------
Excellent advice
A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 8oz. To 20oz.
The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.'
'If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.'
'In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'
He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.'
'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. '
'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.'
'Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
Life is short.. Enjoy!'
And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:
1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on..
10 *Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 *Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 *The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 *When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 *Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 *You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
16 *Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
17 *We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
18 *A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
----
Hmmm....keep smiling -:)
Aisha
Tuesday, 15 June 2010
How Do We Measure Success??
I read this in an inflight magazine on one of my recent trips and scribbled it into my journal. I really like the basis of this and think it can be applied and adapted to an individual's needs. So sound is the original piece, I have merely altered it so slightly and hence, cedit to the Gulf Magazine I read it in!
...............................
How Do We Measure Success??
By the number of stores we have? By the number of countries we operate in? By footfalls and statistics? By last year's turnover? This year's targets?
How do we measure something which doesn't even show up on our balance sheets?
How do we measure success?
In square feet? In dollars? In shoes?
How do we account for the joy of bringing to life something which was just a dream?
How do we calculate the ecstasy of creating value, of pushing boundaries?
How do we measure success?
Maybe by roads travelled? Mountains climbed? Maybe by the spark in the eyes of a 4-year-old when she gets her first shoes for school?
Or just maybe by the smile on your face?! :)
...............................
How Do We Measure Success??
By the number of stores we have? By the number of countries we operate in? By footfalls and statistics? By last year's turnover? This year's targets?
How do we measure something which doesn't even show up on our balance sheets?
How do we measure success?
In square feet? In dollars? In shoes?
How do we account for the joy of bringing to life something which was just a dream?
How do we calculate the ecstasy of creating value, of pushing boundaries?
How do we measure success?
Maybe by roads travelled? Mountains climbed? Maybe by the spark in the eyes of a 4-year-old when she gets her first shoes for school?
Or just maybe by the smile on your face?! :)
Monday, 24 May 2010
Feeling the blues...
Sometimes
I feel sad and I don’t know why..
I feel pain and I am not sure where or what hurts..
I am afraid and I don’t know what or who I fear..
I am lost and I can’t find my way..
I am alone and no one cares..
I am struggling and nobody understands..
I am crying and no one can see..
I am crying and no one can see..
I am trying and want at least one person to appreciate..
I am giving not knowing if I shall ever receive..
I smile and I don’t even know how I am doing it..
I think I had a clear vision and now it’s all blurred..
I feel like I used to know what I wanted, now I try to think what that was and I can’t even remember..
I think I had aspirations and now I feel like they are being quashed..
I feel like I should talk to someone and let them know..
I look for the one that will listen and can understand..
I am feeling this so let me feel it..
I ask that you do not judge me for it..
I think I should not have to explain myself..
I want you to be patient with me..
I know that no matter how happy you always are now..
I think one day you may just feel what I am feeling now....
Feeling Blue
Friday, 16 April 2010
Islamic ways to get and keep your wife's love forever
Aunty sent me this lovely email, told her all the wives need to send it on to their husbands! Wife or a husband, this is true advice that works!
Jummah Mubarak everyone
Aisha
------
Islamic ways to get and keep your wife's love forever
1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum.' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
3. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that's fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it's a type of slandering.
5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet Sallal lahualaihy Wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you're sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
9. Don't be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed - Sallal lahu Aleihi Wasallam (SAW means "May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him" (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.
12. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed (Sallal lahualaihy Wasallam) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.
13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.
16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.
18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said gifts increases love.
21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practise of Ali (RA). It's like putting a hole in your memory. Don't save it in your memory!
24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.
26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
27. Don't put your friends above your wife.
28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
29. Help her respect your parents, you can't force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It's not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It's also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt).
34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) taught us this. It's a blessing. The food doesn't just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.
37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT'S A CHARITY.
38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don't ignore them as it can become big.
39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
40. Respect her thinking. It's strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).
44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it's against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.
50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.
52. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) showed that at the time of intimacy. Don't jump on your wife like an animal!
53. When you have a dispute with your wife don't tell everyone. It's like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.
54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.
55. Don't think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam). Get rid of this disease.
56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said that your wife is a trust in your hand.
58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.
59. Accept her as she is. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.
60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
May Allah fill our homes and heart with tranquillity, love and Mercy.
AMEEN
Jummah Mubarak everyone
Aisha
------
Islamic ways to get and keep your wife's love forever
1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum.' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
3. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that's fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it's a type of slandering.
5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet Sallal lahualaihy Wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you're sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
9. Don't be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed - Sallal lahu Aleihi Wasallam (SAW means "May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him" (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.
12. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed (Sallal lahualaihy Wasallam) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.
13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.
16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.
18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said gifts increases love.
21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practise of Ali (RA). It's like putting a hole in your memory. Don't save it in your memory!
24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.
26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
27. Don't put your friends above your wife.
28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
29. Help her respect your parents, you can't force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It's not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It's also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt).
34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) taught us this. It's a blessing. The food doesn't just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.
37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT'S A CHARITY.
38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don't ignore them as it can become big.
39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
40. Respect her thinking. It's strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).
44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it's against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.
50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.
51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.
52. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) showed that at the time of intimacy. Don't jump on your wife like an animal!
53. When you have a dispute with your wife don't tell everyone. It's like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.
54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.
55. Don't think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam). Get rid of this disease.
56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.
57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said that your wife is a trust in your hand.
58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.
59. Accept her as she is. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.
60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.
May Allah fill our homes and heart with tranquillity, love and Mercy.
AMEEN
Monday, 12 April 2010
The Ethics of Chivalry
I haven't blogged for sometime, part of the reason was my trip for Umrah with my parents which I will hopefully blog about sometime in the near future, since at the moment there are other pressing issues taking over, namely uni papers to write and exams to sit.
I had this piece emailed from one of my cousins but it certainly touched my views perfectly. I want to get married to a man who understands and considers me as I would do him. I'm not one for glitz and glory, those are all materalistic things that one can get almost quite easily. Yes money is something but without true and due empathy its nothing. Often and most particularly it is the men, who get fed-up of their wives, become ungrateful, expect more and give little or nothing. In a marriage two have to give knowing comfortably in their hearts that they shall receive. Again I'm not referring to the giving of things with monetary value! In a marraige two will go into it accepting each other until the end of time. My take on marriage can either go on forever or put into a few simple words! Either way this piece is defintely one to ponder over.
Aisha
-------------------
The Ethics of Chivalry Written by Imam Zaid Shakir
In the literature discussing Futuwwa, which has been translated as Muslim chivalry, there is the story of a young man who was engaged to marry a particularly beautiful woman. Before the wedding day, his fiancée was afflicted with a severe case of chicken pox which left her face terribly disfigured. Her father wrote to him informing him of the situation and asking if he preferred to call off the wedding. The young man replied that he would still marry his daughter, but that he had recently experienced a gradual loss of sight, which he feared would culminate in blindness.
The wedding proceeded as planned and the couple had a loving and happy relationship until the wife died twenty years later. Upon her death the husband regained his eyesight. When asked about his seemingly miraculous recovery he explained that he could see all along. He had feigned blindness all those years because he did not want to offend or sadden his wife.
From our jaded or cynical vantage points it is easy to dismiss such a story as a preposterous fabrication. To do so is to miss an important point that was not lost to those who circulated and were inspired by this and similar tales. Namely, our religion is not an empty compilation of laws and strictures. The law is important and willingly accepting it is one of the keys to our salvation. However, the law is also a means to point us toward a higher ethical end. We are reminded in the Qur’an, “Surely, the prayer wards off indecency and lewdness.” (29:45)
The Prophet Muhammad mentioned concerning the fast, “One who does not abandon false speech and acting on its imperatives, God has no need that he gives up his food and drink.” (Al-Bukhari) These narrations emphasize that there is far more to Islam than a mere adherence to rulings.
This is especially true in our marriages. Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, unwanted pounds around the waist, a personality quirk or a whimsical desire to play the field to see if one can latch on to someone prettier, wealthier, younger, or possibly more exciting than one’s spouse.
These are issues that affect men and women. However, we men must step up and do our part to help to arrest the alarmingly negative state of gender relations in our communities. The level of chivalry the current crisis demands does not require that we pretend to be blind for twenty years. However, it does require some serious soul searching, and it demands that we ask ourselves some hard questions. For instance, why are so many Muslim men averse to marrying older or previously married women? The general feeling among the women folk in our communities is that if you are not married by the age of twenty-five, then you have only two chances of being married thereafter –slim and none. This sentiment pervades our sisters’ minds and hearts because of the reality they experience. Many brothers who put off marriage until they are past thirty-five will oftentimes marry someone close to half their age, passing over a generation of women who are intellectually and psychologically more compatible with them and would prove wiser parents for their children.
Despite this problem, and the clear social, psychological and cultural pathologies it breeds, many of us will hasten to give a lecture reminding our audience of the fact that Khadija, the beloved wife of our Prophet, was fifteen years his senior. We might even mention that she and several of his other wives were previously married. Why is it that what was good enough for our Prophet is repugnant to ourselves or our sons?
A related question would be, “Why are so many of our brothers so hesitant to marry strong, independent and intellectually astute women?” Many women in the West lack the support of extended family networks, which is increasingly true even in the Muslim world. Therefore, they must seek education or professional training to be in a position to support themselves if necessary, or to assist their husbands; an increasingly likely scenario owing to the nature of work in postindustrial societies. This sociological fact leads to women in the West generally manifesting a degree of education and independence that might not be present among women in more traditional societies and times – even though such societies are rapidly disappearing.
Many Muslim men will pass over talented, educated women who are willing to put their careers and education on hold, if need be, to commit to a family. The common reason given is that such women are too assertive, or they are not the kind of women the prospective husband’s mother is used to. As a result a significant number of our sisters, despite their beauty, talent, maturity, and dynamism are passed over for marriage in favour of an idealised, demure “real” Muslim woman. The social consequences of this practice are extremely grave for our community.
Again, we can ask ourselves, “To what extent does this practice conform to the prophetic model?” Our Prophet was surrounded by strong, assertive and independent women. His beloved Khadija, who we have previously mentioned, was one of the most successful business people in the Arabian Peninsula, and her wealth allowed the Prophet to retreat to the Cave of Hira where he would receive the first revelation.
Ayesha, despite her young age was an assertive, free-spirited, intellectual powerhouse who would become one of the great female scholars in history. The foundation for her intellectual greatness was laid by the Prophet himself who recognised her brilliance. Zainab bint Jahsh ran a “non-profit” organisation. She would make various handicrafts, sell them in the market and then use the proceeds to secretly give charity to the poor people of Medina. Umm Salamah had the courage to migrate from Mecca to Medina, unescorted, although she was ultimately accompanied by a single rider. She also had the vision to resolve the crisis at Hudaybiyya. These were all wives of the Prophet. To their names we could add those of many other strong and dynamic women who played a major role in the life of the fledgling Muslim community.
Another issue that is leading to many otherwise eligible women remaining single relates to color. If a panel of Muslim men, whose origins were in the Muslim world, were to choose Miss World, the title would likely never leave Scandinavia. No matter how beautiful a woman with a brown, black, or even tan complexion was, she would never be quite beautiful enough, because of her skin color. This attitude informs the way many choose their wives. This is a sensitive issue, but it is one we must address if we are to advance as a community. We may think that ours is a “colorblind” community, however, there are legions of women who have been relegated to the status of unmarriageable social pariahs who would beg to differ.
God has stated that “the basis for virtue with Him is piety; not tribe, race, or national origin.” (49:13) The Prophet reminded us that “God does not look at our physical forms, or at our wealth. Rather, He looks at our hearts and our deeds.” (Muslim) We debase ourselves when we exalt what God has belittled. God and His messenger have belittled skin color and body shape and size as a designator of virtue or distinction. What does it say about us when we use these criteria as truncheons to painfully bludgeon some of the most beautiful women imaginable into social insignificance?
Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. This is something the chivalrous young man mentioned at the outset of this essay understood. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship God and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, “The believing men and women are the supporting friends of each other. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey God and His Messenger. They expect God’s Mercy. Surely, God is Mighty, Wise.” (9:71)
—
Article originally published in Emel magazine.
I had this piece emailed from one of my cousins but it certainly touched my views perfectly. I want to get married to a man who understands and considers me as I would do him. I'm not one for glitz and glory, those are all materalistic things that one can get almost quite easily. Yes money is something but without true and due empathy its nothing. Often and most particularly it is the men, who get fed-up of their wives, become ungrateful, expect more and give little or nothing. In a marriage two have to give knowing comfortably in their hearts that they shall receive. Again I'm not referring to the giving of things with monetary value! In a marraige two will go into it accepting each other until the end of time. My take on marriage can either go on forever or put into a few simple words! Either way this piece is defintely one to ponder over.
Aisha
-------------------
The Ethics of Chivalry Written by Imam Zaid Shakir
In the literature discussing Futuwwa, which has been translated as Muslim chivalry, there is the story of a young man who was engaged to marry a particularly beautiful woman. Before the wedding day, his fiancée was afflicted with a severe case of chicken pox which left her face terribly disfigured. Her father wrote to him informing him of the situation and asking if he preferred to call off the wedding. The young man replied that he would still marry his daughter, but that he had recently experienced a gradual loss of sight, which he feared would culminate in blindness.
The wedding proceeded as planned and the couple had a loving and happy relationship until the wife died twenty years later. Upon her death the husband regained his eyesight. When asked about his seemingly miraculous recovery he explained that he could see all along. He had feigned blindness all those years because he did not want to offend or sadden his wife.
From our jaded or cynical vantage points it is easy to dismiss such a story as a preposterous fabrication. To do so is to miss an important point that was not lost to those who circulated and were inspired by this and similar tales. Namely, our religion is not an empty compilation of laws and strictures. The law is important and willingly accepting it is one of the keys to our salvation. However, the law is also a means to point us toward a higher ethical end. We are reminded in the Qur’an, “Surely, the prayer wards off indecency and lewdness.” (29:45)
The Prophet Muhammad mentioned concerning the fast, “One who does not abandon false speech and acting on its imperatives, God has no need that he gives up his food and drink.” (Al-Bukhari) These narrations emphasize that there is far more to Islam than a mere adherence to rulings.
This is especially true in our marriages. Too many Muslims are involved in marriages that devolve into an empty observation of duties and an equally vacuous demand for the fulfillment of rights. While such practices are laudable in their proper context, when they are divorced from kindness, consideration, empathy, and true commitment they define marriages that become a fragile caricature. Such relationships are irreparably shattered by a silly argument, a few wrinkles on the face, unwanted pounds around the waist, a personality quirk or a whimsical desire to play the field to see if one can latch on to someone prettier, wealthier, younger, or possibly more exciting than one’s spouse.
These are issues that affect men and women. However, we men must step up and do our part to help to arrest the alarmingly negative state of gender relations in our communities. The level of chivalry the current crisis demands does not require that we pretend to be blind for twenty years. However, it does require some serious soul searching, and it demands that we ask ourselves some hard questions. For instance, why are so many Muslim men averse to marrying older or previously married women? The general feeling among the women folk in our communities is that if you are not married by the age of twenty-five, then you have only two chances of being married thereafter –slim and none. This sentiment pervades our sisters’ minds and hearts because of the reality they experience. Many brothers who put off marriage until they are past thirty-five will oftentimes marry someone close to half their age, passing over a generation of women who are intellectually and psychologically more compatible with them and would prove wiser parents for their children.
Despite this problem, and the clear social, psychological and cultural pathologies it breeds, many of us will hasten to give a lecture reminding our audience of the fact that Khadija, the beloved wife of our Prophet, was fifteen years his senior. We might even mention that she and several of his other wives were previously married. Why is it that what was good enough for our Prophet is repugnant to ourselves or our sons?
A related question would be, “Why are so many of our brothers so hesitant to marry strong, independent and intellectually astute women?” Many women in the West lack the support of extended family networks, which is increasingly true even in the Muslim world. Therefore, they must seek education or professional training to be in a position to support themselves if necessary, or to assist their husbands; an increasingly likely scenario owing to the nature of work in postindustrial societies. This sociological fact leads to women in the West generally manifesting a degree of education and independence that might not be present among women in more traditional societies and times – even though such societies are rapidly disappearing.
Many Muslim men will pass over talented, educated women who are willing to put their careers and education on hold, if need be, to commit to a family. The common reason given is that such women are too assertive, or they are not the kind of women the prospective husband’s mother is used to. As a result a significant number of our sisters, despite their beauty, talent, maturity, and dynamism are passed over for marriage in favour of an idealised, demure “real” Muslim woman. The social consequences of this practice are extremely grave for our community.
Again, we can ask ourselves, “To what extent does this practice conform to the prophetic model?” Our Prophet was surrounded by strong, assertive and independent women. His beloved Khadija, who we have previously mentioned, was one of the most successful business people in the Arabian Peninsula, and her wealth allowed the Prophet to retreat to the Cave of Hira where he would receive the first revelation.
Ayesha, despite her young age was an assertive, free-spirited, intellectual powerhouse who would become one of the great female scholars in history. The foundation for her intellectual greatness was laid by the Prophet himself who recognised her brilliance. Zainab bint Jahsh ran a “non-profit” organisation. She would make various handicrafts, sell them in the market and then use the proceeds to secretly give charity to the poor people of Medina. Umm Salamah had the courage to migrate from Mecca to Medina, unescorted, although she was ultimately accompanied by a single rider. She also had the vision to resolve the crisis at Hudaybiyya. These were all wives of the Prophet. To their names we could add those of many other strong and dynamic women who played a major role in the life of the fledgling Muslim community.
Another issue that is leading to many otherwise eligible women remaining single relates to color. If a panel of Muslim men, whose origins were in the Muslim world, were to choose Miss World, the title would likely never leave Scandinavia. No matter how beautiful a woman with a brown, black, or even tan complexion was, she would never be quite beautiful enough, because of her skin color. This attitude informs the way many choose their wives. This is a sensitive issue, but it is one we must address if we are to advance as a community. We may think that ours is a “colorblind” community, however, there are legions of women who have been relegated to the status of unmarriageable social pariahs who would beg to differ.
God has stated that “the basis for virtue with Him is piety; not tribe, race, or national origin.” (49:13) The Prophet reminded us that “God does not look at our physical forms, or at our wealth. Rather, He looks at our hearts and our deeds.” (Muslim) We debase ourselves when we exalt what God has belittled. God and His messenger have belittled skin color and body shape and size as a designator of virtue or distinction. What does it say about us when we use these criteria as truncheons to painfully bludgeon some of the most beautiful women imaginable into social insignificance?
Marriage is not a playground where the ego thoughtlessly pursues its vanities. This is something the chivalrous young man mentioned at the outset of this essay understood. It is an institution that helps a man and a woman pursue the purpose of their creation: to glorify and worship God and to work, within the extent of our capabilities and resources, to make the world a better place for those we share it with and for those we will leave it to. This role is beautifully captured in the Qur’an, “The believing men and women are the supporting friends of each other. They enjoin right, forbid wrong, establish regular prayer, pay the poor due, and they obey God and His Messenger. They expect God’s Mercy. Surely, God is Mighty, Wise.” (9:71)
—
Article originally published in Emel magazine.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Mother's Day..
Well not momentarily, that it matters just that day..that was Sunday just gone. No!...Mother matters everyday, some days even more than the soul can imagine. You see without Mother there is no me, there is no life, there is no purpose. Mother taught me everything. She taught me important lessons in life. She taught me how to survive in the big bad world out there! She is my teacher. But most of all Mother is my best friend. Yet at times even as a friend there are certain things I wouldn't confide in her, not because I do not want to but because I want to spare her the pain. But I know if she ever found out she would pick a bone or two with me, because that's Mother..she wants to stretch as far and wide as she can so she can be with everyone, do for all and the rest.
Many feel the need to express the gratitude to Mother only on Mother's Day..that's great..but I often wonder what happens to Mother the rest of the year, the times you don't call her when you should. Those weekends, when you should have made time to visit her but you'd have rather spent it with your mates or your partner because you couldn't do with her nagging, except its not nagging, its their way of caring, letting you know they exist in your life, even if it means giving you their two cents worth.
Mother never wants me to give her anything on Mother's Day specifically though the odd year if we find something she likes she will have it for the occasion. I found a lovely china tea mug with a matching coaster and the smallest tray to go with it. It was beautiful and sure enough Mother loved it but as always she first said, ‘you know you don't have to?!’. I retorted quickly, ‘I know but I want to!’
I don't wish to judge others in their relationships with their Mothers and fathers. I don't even judge my own siblings attitude towards their obligation. Each unto their own I say. But for me, Mother is my life!
I love you Mum -:)
Aisha
Many feel the need to express the gratitude to Mother only on Mother's Day..that's great..but I often wonder what happens to Mother the rest of the year, the times you don't call her when you should. Those weekends, when you should have made time to visit her but you'd have rather spent it with your mates or your partner because you couldn't do with her nagging, except its not nagging, its their way of caring, letting you know they exist in your life, even if it means giving you their two cents worth.
Mother never wants me to give her anything on Mother's Day specifically though the odd year if we find something she likes she will have it for the occasion. I found a lovely china tea mug with a matching coaster and the smallest tray to go with it. It was beautiful and sure enough Mother loved it but as always she first said, ‘you know you don't have to?!’. I retorted quickly, ‘I know but I want to!’
I don't wish to judge others in their relationships with their Mothers and fathers. I don't even judge my own siblings attitude towards their obligation. Each unto their own I say. But for me, Mother is my life!
I love you Mum -:)
Aisha
Friday, 26 February 2010
In the mind...
Life is so complicated, the hustle and bustle of everyday traumas can make us lose focus about what is truly important or what is only a momentary setback or crisis..
Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Never brush aside anyone as insignificant.
Who knows what they can teach us?
Thursday, 25 February 2010
How much are you willing to put up with..?!
Periodically, this question seems to travel around in my head. Some event occurs, some person decides to voice their opinion, a debate or a disagreement, or even a setback and I find myself asking this question. Sometimes totally exasperated I can't even fathom out the answer, yet it’s a very simple question!
We are not all perfect. Each and every one of us have faults within us, yet some people feel the need to present themselves in total perfection. Flaws are part of human characteristics. Yet to not recognise this, degrades the level of intelligence one does possess. One has to be completely deluded to think that flaws do not exist in a person.
It is what we do about our flaws or how we deal with the flaws of others that are of the essence. That is the true strength and shining factor of a character but it still brings me back to the question of how much are you willing to put up with?
I have the habit of flipping the handle and often people think its uncalled for but generally nine times out of ten, I have an explainable reason to have flipped the handle except most people's thoughts are of a tunnel vision nature and hence fail to recognise or appreciate the reasons behind such an outburst. Recognition, appreciation, reasoning, all these things require patience, which most have very little of.
This is a kind of a rant more than a cohesive post. In fact not a lot of things are making sense at the moment. Various people around me are calling the shots and deciding things. Maybe they have good reason to but what I do know that very few people actually consider the feelings of others when they make a decision. They never truly understand the impact words or actions have on others. I have to say that is something I am guilty of too but whereas a stubborn character never gives way I soon rectify my mistakes and hate to harbour ill feelings for longer than necessary and certainly do not like to live in an indeterminate state.
I had the opportunity to meet the most remarkable person last week. A guy who was driving past our house must have clipped my dad's car mirror. He came to the door and was so remorseful for his action which to me was very little. Since Dad was away he asked that he would call himon return. Anyway he came back yesterday and dad said he genuinely and truly felt bad about the mishap and offered to pay for the damages. Dad said he need not at all but kindly told him that he was ever so grateful for his actions in terms of owning up and offering to pay damages and that his distinctiveness were outstanding. We chatted about theses events over dinner and came to the conclusion that this man was a one in a million to find.
I always find women are the most peculiar of temperament; they never really talk about problems. They expect their male counterparts to know what’s going inside their little heads and they expect them to say the right things at the right time. This is something that is historical and hasn't changed much. Women are still exactly the same and those women who deny it are most guilty of it. But guys are just as bad, they have turned into and identical species of women in these personality traits that I refer to; such wimps. I mean whatever happened to adage ‘be a better man’. What happened to all these guys? Did they just realize the way to behave was to turn in to the temperament of a women? This I am completely frustrated at!
Anyway I was in awe of this guy's character and I realised that this man had characteristics’ that help you to put up with some of the flaws in people; patience, perseverance, understanding mercy and compassion. How many of us actually hold these individualities? I mean truly hold them and can show them in one respect or other?!
Life's happenings turn you into the kind of person you are, a person's character is ‘work in progress’, always changing, sometimes improving and sometimes taking a downward spiral. How then can you definitively judge a person?
Don’t restrict yourself in making allowances for people; embrace them, flaws and all; you may just get more than what you bargained for.
In talking about personalities, I always pray that I am in company of those who bring the good out in me, and help curb the bad in me. As for those who bring no good in me and only bring about the bad in me, I ask to be as far away from them as possible.
Finally a colleague of mine presented me with some wise words. She noticed I wasn’t sleeping well and she having known about the continuous strains I have been under for the last two years told me not to be too hard on myself. Having known each other only a short time, she already recognized very early on that I put others before myself and she has always admired and respected that. So as she is telling me ‘not to be too hard on myself’ she added that I recite this often:
رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي
Rabb-ishrah ii sadri, wa yassir li 'amri, Wah-lul 'uqdatam-mil-li-saani, Yaf-qahuu qawlii
O my Lord! Expand me my breast; Ease my task for me; And remove the impediment from my speech, so they may understand what I say
[Surah Ta-Ha; 20:25-28]
Such beautiful words - :)
Aisha
We are not all perfect. Each and every one of us have faults within us, yet some people feel the need to present themselves in total perfection. Flaws are part of human characteristics. Yet to not recognise this, degrades the level of intelligence one does possess. One has to be completely deluded to think that flaws do not exist in a person.
It is what we do about our flaws or how we deal with the flaws of others that are of the essence. That is the true strength and shining factor of a character but it still brings me back to the question of how much are you willing to put up with?
I have the habit of flipping the handle and often people think its uncalled for but generally nine times out of ten, I have an explainable reason to have flipped the handle except most people's thoughts are of a tunnel vision nature and hence fail to recognise or appreciate the reasons behind such an outburst. Recognition, appreciation, reasoning, all these things require patience, which most have very little of.
This is a kind of a rant more than a cohesive post. In fact not a lot of things are making sense at the moment. Various people around me are calling the shots and deciding things. Maybe they have good reason to but what I do know that very few people actually consider the feelings of others when they make a decision. They never truly understand the impact words or actions have on others. I have to say that is something I am guilty of too but whereas a stubborn character never gives way I soon rectify my mistakes and hate to harbour ill feelings for longer than necessary and certainly do not like to live in an indeterminate state.
I had the opportunity to meet the most remarkable person last week. A guy who was driving past our house must have clipped my dad's car mirror. He came to the door and was so remorseful for his action which to me was very little. Since Dad was away he asked that he would call himon return. Anyway he came back yesterday and dad said he genuinely and truly felt bad about the mishap and offered to pay for the damages. Dad said he need not at all but kindly told him that he was ever so grateful for his actions in terms of owning up and offering to pay damages and that his distinctiveness were outstanding. We chatted about theses events over dinner and came to the conclusion that this man was a one in a million to find.
I always find women are the most peculiar of temperament; they never really talk about problems. They expect their male counterparts to know what’s going inside their little heads and they expect them to say the right things at the right time. This is something that is historical and hasn't changed much. Women are still exactly the same and those women who deny it are most guilty of it. But guys are just as bad, they have turned into and identical species of women in these personality traits that I refer to; such wimps. I mean whatever happened to adage ‘be a better man’. What happened to all these guys? Did they just realize the way to behave was to turn in to the temperament of a women? This I am completely frustrated at!
Anyway I was in awe of this guy's character and I realised that this man had characteristics’ that help you to put up with some of the flaws in people; patience, perseverance, understanding mercy and compassion. How many of us actually hold these individualities? I mean truly hold them and can show them in one respect or other?!
Life's happenings turn you into the kind of person you are, a person's character is ‘work in progress’, always changing, sometimes improving and sometimes taking a downward spiral. How then can you definitively judge a person?
Don’t restrict yourself in making allowances for people; embrace them, flaws and all; you may just get more than what you bargained for.
In talking about personalities, I always pray that I am in company of those who bring the good out in me, and help curb the bad in me. As for those who bring no good in me and only bring about the bad in me, I ask to be as far away from them as possible.
Finally a colleague of mine presented me with some wise words. She noticed I wasn’t sleeping well and she having known about the continuous strains I have been under for the last two years told me not to be too hard on myself. Having known each other only a short time, she already recognized very early on that I put others before myself and she has always admired and respected that. So as she is telling me ‘not to be too hard on myself’ she added that I recite this often:
رَبِّ اشْرَحْ لِي صَدْرِي وَيَسِّرْ لِي أَمْرِي وَاحْلُلْ عُقْدَةً مِنْ لِسَانِي يَفْقَهُوا قَوْلِي
Rabb-ishrah ii sadri, wa yassir li 'amri, Wah-lul 'uqdatam-mil-li-saani, Yaf-qahuu qawlii
O my Lord! Expand me my breast; Ease my task for me; And remove the impediment from my speech, so they may understand what I say
[Surah Ta-Ha; 20:25-28]
Such beautiful words - :)
Aisha
Monday, 1 February 2010
Testing the ground...
I attempted to write this post, back on the 14th January, but for one reason or another never managed to finish it. Coming back to it today I realised that not only did i not finish this post but I haven't blogged in ages, in fact the entire month of January has passed and I forget this blog even existed. Well actually I had not forgotten about the blog, the thought of it, almost always lingers within me. Many a times I think of noting the day's events or a certain moment but time or another element does not permit. So in essence this post in now somewhat, another one of my rambles!
So testing the ground was the idea a few weeks back. On many levels it certainly was testing the ground. On a materialistic level it was time for the upgrade on my contract phone. I had seriously considered cancelling the blooming thing, totally economising, and going pay as you go. I mean money is kind of tight especially with a huge commitment of a home coming along pretty soon. There really did not seem any point in shelving thirty odd pounds per month, especially since I had not maximised the service use in the past twelve months. But then just a few days before I made the call to the phone company to cancel, a strange thing happened and along came the constant use of my mobile phone. So with a rethink I carried on with my contract.
Now most know, I am a loyal customer to Sony Ericson! But was this the time to be traitor and go to Nokia? Something the others particularly my kid brother was annoying me over. I settled for the Satio and bloody hell was there some effort in getting used to a touch screen, it's like a whole new blooming technique that one has to master. The real surprise on this phone subject came some twenty-four hours after I had my Satio. I needed to off load that previous phone of mine which had never received the TLC it deserved but still was as damn good as it was on day one despite it looking a little battered. In an extraordinary turn, my brother totally loyal to Nokia turned into a complete traitor overnight. Now SE is the best thing since slice bread or in his sugar coated way, SE have some good features. He can't quite bring himself to say SE rocks :p
Anyway on other news, my sister finally moved in to her refurbished, reconstructed, re-everything house. It looks fabulous, modern and definitely has a feel of openness to it and the girls totally love their vibrant bedrooms. I love new homes, new decor, it really gives a fresh approach! It's not just about a lick of paint or a change of furnishings or a bit of a move around, it goes beyond it and completely re-address the mental, physical, and emotional approach to your home and life.
This affair I mentioned earlier, which resulted in the overuse of my phone, bought some interesting twists and turns to personalities, and just life in general. The whole thing about this so called affair has been superb, something I never actually thought was feasible but I found that to fulfill this so called business and change many of us have to let go of the past and have the courage, strength and patience to move forward. One has to trust in ones self and believe in others. For the desired end result which I'll go into detail in good time, myself and two other significant people in my life need to make this change. Fear is huge sphere and conquering that is a master in itself. There is deep affection in between all this and that can either allow you to conquer fear or stop you from conquering it. I know that this choice I have made is most definitely the right one, for it will bring good to me and all the people around me, but timing is key in this. Time will allow for all things to heal and shine with a glow.
One final note is on cooking, the subject stems from the previous and significant change I have referred to. My sister and I agreed the other day that some of the men are the best cooks there are and we agreed that the men in our lives were ultimately the better cooks. It was something that was said that also encouraged this idea that cooking is an art not just a chore. At least we have men in our lives that cook for us! What more could a woman want?!
Here's to hopefully a fruitful and fabulous February -:)
Aisha
So testing the ground was the idea a few weeks back. On many levels it certainly was testing the ground. On a materialistic level it was time for the upgrade on my contract phone. I had seriously considered cancelling the blooming thing, totally economising, and going pay as you go. I mean money is kind of tight especially with a huge commitment of a home coming along pretty soon. There really did not seem any point in shelving thirty odd pounds per month, especially since I had not maximised the service use in the past twelve months. But then just a few days before I made the call to the phone company to cancel, a strange thing happened and along came the constant use of my mobile phone. So with a rethink I carried on with my contract.
Now most know, I am a loyal customer to Sony Ericson! But was this the time to be traitor and go to Nokia? Something the others particularly my kid brother was annoying me over. I settled for the Satio and bloody hell was there some effort in getting used to a touch screen, it's like a whole new blooming technique that one has to master. The real surprise on this phone subject came some twenty-four hours after I had my Satio. I needed to off load that previous phone of mine which had never received the TLC it deserved but still was as damn good as it was on day one despite it looking a little battered. In an extraordinary turn, my brother totally loyal to Nokia turned into a complete traitor overnight. Now SE is the best thing since slice bread or in his sugar coated way, SE have some good features. He can't quite bring himself to say SE rocks :p
Anyway on other news, my sister finally moved in to her refurbished, reconstructed, re-everything house. It looks fabulous, modern and definitely has a feel of openness to it and the girls totally love their vibrant bedrooms. I love new homes, new decor, it really gives a fresh approach! It's not just about a lick of paint or a change of furnishings or a bit of a move around, it goes beyond it and completely re-address the mental, physical, and emotional approach to your home and life.
This affair I mentioned earlier, which resulted in the overuse of my phone, bought some interesting twists and turns to personalities, and just life in general. The whole thing about this so called affair has been superb, something I never actually thought was feasible but I found that to fulfill this so called business and change many of us have to let go of the past and have the courage, strength and patience to move forward. One has to trust in ones self and believe in others. For the desired end result which I'll go into detail in good time, myself and two other significant people in my life need to make this change. Fear is huge sphere and conquering that is a master in itself. There is deep affection in between all this and that can either allow you to conquer fear or stop you from conquering it. I know that this choice I have made is most definitely the right one, for it will bring good to me and all the people around me, but timing is key in this. Time will allow for all things to heal and shine with a glow.
One final note is on cooking, the subject stems from the previous and significant change I have referred to. My sister and I agreed the other day that some of the men are the best cooks there are and we agreed that the men in our lives were ultimately the better cooks. It was something that was said that also encouraged this idea that cooking is an art not just a chore. At least we have men in our lives that cook for us! What more could a woman want?!
Here's to hopefully a fruitful and fabulous February -:)
Aisha
Thursday, 7 January 2010
2009/2010 Tag/Meme..
Credit is not to me, I got this trailed from one blog to another blog and to another..., but all the same thanks!
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Blimey, I did more last year that I've never done before! Some shit stuff and some great things
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think my last post answers that!
3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
In past tense now. I spent it in indoors trying to knock some sense into a sibling
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No
5. What countries did you visit?
I did more travelling this year than ever. Australia, Dubai, Morocco, Canada, Malaysia and Singapore
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
To have enough courage to stand up and put myself first in one very certain element of my life.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1st August, I can't go into reasons why, but everything I ever believed in and put my energy towards got crushed to unimaginable tiny pieces and in some respects it all went downhill from then onwards!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Seeing through the end of a friend's cancer battle.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Failure only occurs if you accept defeat. I don't do defeat, I just re-assess!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thank God, No
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car and almost my home..still have to sign on the dotted line for the latter though
12. Where did most of your money go?
Car, home and lots of travelling
13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
What about Now..Westlife
14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Strangely enough contemplation
15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Hoped for the hopeless
16. What was your favourite TV program?
Didn't watch enough of TV to know / care.
17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do not hate. I just stop caring!
18. What was the best book you read?
The Kite Runner. But on a funny level I've enjoyed reading Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella, made me laugh when I thought I wouldn't / couldn't!
19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None that comes to mind right now.
20. What was your favourite film of this year?
Not one favourite, a few that made the mark for me.
21. What did you do on your birthday?
Let's put it this way it wasn't celebrated the way I had hoped, but all the same a day I shall never forget, for reasons I can't go into on here!
22. What kept you sane?
Faith and my special friend Marlene.
23. Who did you miss?
Nobody
24. Who was the best new person you met?
My dad's cousin in Sydney, she was a laugh and a breath of fresh air, quite reminds me of myself. I met lots of other people at my brother's wedding in Perth and that was one hell of an experience. I don't make friends easily and so if I do click with a person it must be something special! (a tad bit of useless info :p)
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
Have faith and live
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Blimey, I did more last year that I've never done before! Some shit stuff and some great things
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I think my last post answers that!
3. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
In past tense now. I spent it in indoors trying to knock some sense into a sibling
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No
5. What countries did you visit?
I did more travelling this year than ever. Australia, Dubai, Morocco, Canada, Malaysia and Singapore
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
To have enough courage to stand up and put myself first in one very certain element of my life.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
1st August, I can't go into reasons why, but everything I ever believed in and put my energy towards got crushed to unimaginable tiny pieces and in some respects it all went downhill from then onwards!
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Seeing through the end of a friend's cancer battle.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Failure only occurs if you accept defeat. I don't do defeat, I just re-assess!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Thank God, No
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My car and almost my home..still have to sign on the dotted line for the latter though
12. Where did most of your money go?
Car, home and lots of travelling
13. What song will always remind you of 2009?
What about Now..Westlife
14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Strangely enough contemplation
15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Hoped for the hopeless
16. What was your favourite TV program?
Didn't watch enough of TV to know / care.
17. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I do not hate. I just stop caring!
18. What was the best book you read?
The Kite Runner. But on a funny level I've enjoyed reading Shopaholic series by Sophie Kinsella, made me laugh when I thought I wouldn't / couldn't!
19. What was your greatest musical discovery?
None that comes to mind right now.
20. What was your favourite film of this year?
Not one favourite, a few that made the mark for me.
21. What did you do on your birthday?
Let's put it this way it wasn't celebrated the way I had hoped, but all the same a day I shall never forget, for reasons I can't go into on here!
22. What kept you sane?
Faith and my special friend Marlene.
23. Who did you miss?
Nobody
24. Who was the best new person you met?
My dad's cousin in Sydney, she was a laugh and a breath of fresh air, quite reminds me of myself. I met lots of other people at my brother's wedding in Perth and that was one hell of an experience. I don't make friends easily and so if I do click with a person it must be something special! (a tad bit of useless info :p)
25. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?
Have faith and live
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
New Year....New Beginning!
I am not one for making New Year’s resolutions. I suppose I deem it as more of a fad than anything. I have yet to meet a person who has made a resolution at New Year’s and maintained with it. I'm not a pessimist, more a realist, and definitely an optimist. That's why I feel that if you want to make a resolution it should be at any point in the year and certainly not in the spirit of the moment; made and most probably forgotten.
Said that, if you honestly feel you can make a resolution at New Year and uphold with it then you deserve a pat on the back. I pledge no resolutions at New Year. I tend to makes assurance to myself at different point through the year. It is usually following an event, change, an experience, and any other element that may result in constituting a promise. I think about it firmly, make a decree and endorse it. A promise to oneself is equally as important as making one to the Creator. If you cannot keep a pledge made to yourself, how can one hope to achieve the same determination and steadfastness when you have to fulfill the vows made to the Lord?
Resolutions are not just words. They go beyond that and prove a person's character, strength of mind, resilience, buoyancy and mostly a person's veracity.
I generate no specific resolutions this year at this moment but just like the sun rises in clockwork fashion to a new day; a New Year is definitely a New Beginning :)
Aisha
Said that, if you honestly feel you can make a resolution at New Year and uphold with it then you deserve a pat on the back. I pledge no resolutions at New Year. I tend to makes assurance to myself at different point through the year. It is usually following an event, change, an experience, and any other element that may result in constituting a promise. I think about it firmly, make a decree and endorse it. A promise to oneself is equally as important as making one to the Creator. If you cannot keep a pledge made to yourself, how can one hope to achieve the same determination and steadfastness when you have to fulfill the vows made to the Lord?
Resolutions are not just words. They go beyond that and prove a person's character, strength of mind, resilience, buoyancy and mostly a person's veracity.
I generate no specific resolutions this year at this moment but just like the sun rises in clockwork fashion to a new day; a New Year is definitely a New Beginning :)
Aisha
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